Dear Rev. Salmi,
You may not remember me, as I'm sure you have counselled hundreds of college students over the years, but I came to you for help in ridding me of my homosexuality. This would have been back in 1997 and 1998. I was a Tech student who just wasn't getting anywhere with curing myself through prayer and fasting and all the other recommendations. I realize now that you probably get a lot of nervous first-time students, so my anxiety about seeing a counsellor probably wasn't anything unusual for you. I do remember you and our sessions, though.
And I want to thank you for everything you have done for me. Thanks to you I am a better-adjusted gay man who is accepting of myself and dealing with depression fairly well. While this outcome was not a goal for either one of us, I believe it is the goal that God desired for me, and he used you to get me where I needed to be.
I especially appreciate how you took the time to get to know me as a whole person, not just as a wretched homosexual in need of cure. You saw that I had more pervasive deficiencies and prioritized the sessions. For me, that was the most impressive aspect of our time together. Our work on coping with depression, both recognizing it and recovering from it, has stuck with me, and I still use some of the methods you taught me.
While our time was cut short by my physical illness, I believe we accomplished exactly what God wanted us to accomplish. I am now able to speak to others about being gay, I view myself as a worthy person in my eyes and God's (without having to seek the approval of others), and I have a wonderful boyfriend and a group of male and female friends who love me for who I am and listen and support me. I would not have accomplished this without your help. I credit you among those who have helped save my life and I will be in your debt.
Thank you for making me the gay man that I am.
Joel
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
An Anti-Bullying Bill
Dear Mr. Kevin Epling,
I feel I should apologize for the Michigan state legislators who are trying to block passage of the bill bearing your son's name. I realize it must be a mixture of pride and sorrow that sweeps through you whenever you discuss this issue. While I know very little about Matt or the kind of harassment he faced, I can only imagine that what you are putting up with right now is at least as bad.
The issue of bullying in school is frightening for teachers as well as students. Parents of offenders refuse to believe that their child could ever cause someone else any pain, and if someone tells them otherwise they retaliate with as much vitriol as the biggest playground bully might. Threats of lawsuits, coupled with weak administrators and systems for dealing with harassment, only perpetuate the negative behaviors. As a former victim of bullying, and as a teacher, I have been working to end name-calling and ostracizing in addition to the more physical forms of harassment. You know as well as anyone how pervasive the problem is. I'm sure you also realize that a law as vague as the one currently before the Michigan senate will not solve anything.
The lawmakers and other "concerned citizens" such as Gary Glenn ought to be ashamed that they are working against protecting all of our kids in the state by turning a common-sense step into a political issue. This bill no more gives gay and lesbian students—the conservatives' obsession of the year—special rights than it gives students with different skin tone special rights. When they advocate removing the reference protecting against harassment based on religion, then perhaps we will have a place to start discussions.
But among all the strong emotions, I urge you, Mr. Epling, to show them compassion. An armchair psychologist may conclude that these legislators and others had been bullied themselves as kids and now enjoy wielding the power over others they believe are weak. Those armchair psychologists may be right. However, compassion is never weak. Compassion is the very trait bullies and these conservatives lack, and compassion must be our weapon. Encourage our legislators to do the right thing. Continue letting Matt's story speak for those kids who don't have voices. Keep being everything others are scared to be. I'm sure Matt would be proud of you.
By your side protecting all kids,
Joel
I feel I should apologize for the Michigan state legislators who are trying to block passage of the bill bearing your son's name. I realize it must be a mixture of pride and sorrow that sweeps through you whenever you discuss this issue. While I know very little about Matt or the kind of harassment he faced, I can only imagine that what you are putting up with right now is at least as bad.
The issue of bullying in school is frightening for teachers as well as students. Parents of offenders refuse to believe that their child could ever cause someone else any pain, and if someone tells them otherwise they retaliate with as much vitriol as the biggest playground bully might. Threats of lawsuits, coupled with weak administrators and systems for dealing with harassment, only perpetuate the negative behaviors. As a former victim of bullying, and as a teacher, I have been working to end name-calling and ostracizing in addition to the more physical forms of harassment. You know as well as anyone how pervasive the problem is. I'm sure you also realize that a law as vague as the one currently before the Michigan senate will not solve anything.
The lawmakers and other "concerned citizens" such as Gary Glenn ought to be ashamed that they are working against protecting all of our kids in the state by turning a common-sense step into a political issue. This bill no more gives gay and lesbian students—the conservatives' obsession of the year—special rights than it gives students with different skin tone special rights. When they advocate removing the reference protecting against harassment based on religion, then perhaps we will have a place to start discussions.
But among all the strong emotions, I urge you, Mr. Epling, to show them compassion. An armchair psychologist may conclude that these legislators and others had been bullied themselves as kids and now enjoy wielding the power over others they believe are weak. Those armchair psychologists may be right. However, compassion is never weak. Compassion is the very trait bullies and these conservatives lack, and compassion must be our weapon. Encourage our legislators to do the right thing. Continue letting Matt's story speak for those kids who don't have voices. Keep being everything others are scared to be. I'm sure Matt would be proud of you.
By your side protecting all kids,
Joel
Monday, April 2, 2007
An Introduction
Dear Readers,
This will be the first and last time I write a letter directly to you. I have just hit my 30th birthday, and as I reflect on this milestone (is life half over or do I still have 2/3 to go? or will next month be it?) I realize there are a lot of things I want to say to people that I can't or shouldn't. I also miss the lost art of writing a letter.
Letters are personal and don't always give the entire story. You have to read into them. You have to infer. You have to put yourself in the place of the sender and the recipient. And I want you to do that. So as I virtually send these letters to people, who very well may never get them, you can glean clues for yourselves.
This will not be a blog to bitch about the state of the world, though I will probably do that. This will not be a blog to praise or villify any certain corportations or governments, though I plan on doing that. Where possible, I will use real names (though only first names unless the person is in the public spotlight), and I will use some language that may not be PG-rated. I will also not limit myself to topics that are PG-rated. Consider youself forewarned and forearmed, and read in on my correspondence.
Joel
This will be the first and last time I write a letter directly to you. I have just hit my 30th birthday, and as I reflect on this milestone (is life half over or do I still have 2/3 to go? or will next month be it?) I realize there are a lot of things I want to say to people that I can't or shouldn't. I also miss the lost art of writing a letter.
Letters are personal and don't always give the entire story. You have to read into them. You have to infer. You have to put yourself in the place of the sender and the recipient. And I want you to do that. So as I virtually send these letters to people, who very well may never get them, you can glean clues for yourselves.
This will not be a blog to bitch about the state of the world, though I will probably do that. This will not be a blog to praise or villify any certain corportations or governments, though I plan on doing that. Where possible, I will use real names (though only first names unless the person is in the public spotlight), and I will use some language that may not be PG-rated. I will also not limit myself to topics that are PG-rated. Consider youself forewarned and forearmed, and read in on my correspondence.
Joel
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